Why Unpleasant Emotions Aren’t the Enemy

Jul 25

When most people think about what they want out of life, their answers sound something like this: “I just want to be happy,” “I want peace,” or “I want to feel good again.”

These are beautiful, honest desires. I absolutely believe in the importance of joy, peace, and a life that feels whole and meaningful- and I encourage actions that prioritize those goals.

But we also know that trying to build a life that only allows for “positive” emotions is like trying to live in a house that only has sunshine and never any bad weather. It’s unrealistic—and more importantly, it can actually make us feel worse in the long run. We may start to feel guilt or shame when the unpleasant emotions show up leading us to thing “something is wrong with me”.

So here’s a gentle, empowering truth: unpleasant emotions are not inherently bad. They’re not a sign that something is wrong with you. They’re not evidence that you’re broken. And they’re certainly not something you have to get rid of before you can live a good, wholehearted life.

What Are Unpleasant Emotions, Really?

Emotions like sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and grief get labeled as “bad” because they’re uncomfortable. They challenge us. They ask us to slow down and pay attention. But discomfort isn’t the same as danger.

In truth, these feelings carry messages. They are your body and mind working together to say: “Something matters here.”

It’s grief that shows you how deeply you loved.
It’s anger that helps you recognize your boundaries.
It’s anxiety that points out something you’re carrying alone that needs support.

We get into trouble not when we feel these things, but when we believe we shouldn’t be feeling them.

When we build our lives around avoiding these unpleasant emotions, we end up cutting off a huge part of what it means to be human. We might distract ourselves, numb out, stay overly busy, or retreat into shame when these feelings show up. Over time, this creates disconnection—from others, yes, but also from ourselves.

Avoidance doesn’t actually get rid of the emotion. It just sends it underground. And emotions that go underground don’t disappear—they build pressure. They may show up as chronic stress, bitterness, burnout, anger, unforgiveness, emotional shutdown.

Instead, when we welcome the full range of our emotional experience—when we create space for sadness, frustration, or fear—we start to feel more in tune with our own inner world. We have the capacity to feel it, sit with it, address it, then move through it. If we push it down, we actually just extend the thing we are trying to get rid of. We end up giving the emotion space to grow, take more space in our mind, and come back stronger when it resurfaces.

We know ourselves better.

We move through the hard stuff instead of getting stuck in it.

Therapists often talk about something called emotional acceptance, which simply means allowing yourself to feel what you feel—without judgment, without trying to push it away. This isn’t the same as wallowing or spiraling. It’s about noticing, naming, and sitting with emotions long enough to hear what they’re telling you.

Here’s what this might look like in everyday life:

Instead of saying “I shouldn’t feel this way,” you say, “I’m feeling sad right now—and that’s okay.”
Instead of rushing to “fix” anger, you pause and ask, “What’s this anger trying to show me?”
Instead of feeling ashamed of your fear, you offer yourself compassion: “Of course I’m scared. This matters to me.”

When we stop fighting our unpleasant emotions, they often become easier to carry. They move through us instead of taking over.

The life you are invited into here isn’t one where you never feel bad. It’s one where you feel real.

Where your joy is full, not because it’s uninterrupted, but because it’s rooted in something honest.

Being emotionally healthy doesn't mean being emotionally "positive" all the time. It means being emotionally present. When we make room for all our emotions, we actually create more space for joy, peace, and connection to grow- not because we forced them, but because we made room for life to be what it is.

If you’re in a season of struggle, we want you to know: you’re not doing it wrong. Nothing has gone off-course because you’re feeling big, hard emotions. This, too, is part of being fully alive.

We believe in healing that honors all parts of you—including the messy, painful, and confusing parts. Because when your life has room for the hard stuff, it also has room for deep, grounded joy.

Let’s stop striving for a life without unpleasant emotions—and start building lives big enough to hold the full, beautiful spectrum of being human.