Don’t panic. We aren’t talking about your 9 to 5!

As we move through life, we pick up “jobs”. It might sound like:

Your job today is to load the dishwasher after dinner.
You did such a great job at soccer practice!
You are going to be a big sister! We know you will do an amazing job at that.
You’re job is to do well in school and focus on your future.
Great job on that group project.

By the time we have lived our last day, we have probably held millions of jobs!

*BRB updating my resume*

But some of the “jobs” we hold are not actually spoken or appointed. They are jobs that we have internalized as our responsibility and feel a sh*t ton of pressure to perform for.

Let me give some examples:

“It is my job to take care of everyone.”

Will all of the eldest daughters please step up.

This probably started very young. Maybe it shows up in feeling responsible for your family or your friends. You have have heard messages like:

You are so mature for your age!
I don’t know what I would do without you.
I need your help.
Do you have time to talk?

Harmless 100000% but when internalized, it creates the narrative that your value + worth is rooted in your ability to take care of everyone else.

Often, this mean neglecting yourself + your own needs in order to meet those of the people you love.

Healing this might look like:

Saying “no”.
Creating space in your calendar that is for you… no excuses.
Identifying the reciprocal and fulfilling relationships in your life and prioritizing those.
Beginning to care for yourself with the same energy + intensity you care for everyone else with.

“It is my job to make everyone feel better”

This belief feels good for you. You have that certain magic in you that lights up the dark. Thankful for people like you.

However, this is a pressure that you may not even realize is draining you mentally + emotionally. This belief might have internalized from messages like:

I love how positive you always are!
Don’t say that. I will cry.
Can you just be happy? I like when you are happy.
You are still crying about this?

While your energy is necessary in this world, the belief that you must carry and “fix” everyone else’s emotions begins to siphon your capacity to nurture your own. You begin to scan more for the need for you to step in and make others feel better.

Healing this might look like:

Begin observing, naming, and treating your emotions as just as important as others
Allow other’s to feel without the need to “fix” it
Avoid limiting the time allotted for your feelings
Practice not apologizing for taking up your own space

“It’s my job to maintain the relationships.”

Ohhhh so you are the mediator for every friend and family dynamic. Got it.

Your job was assigned young. You fell into the role of the peace keeper or truth teller. Whether through gentleness in private or hashing it out in the heat of the moment - you are there, desperately trying to keep it all together. The messages you may have heard and internalized are:

I need your help talking to them. I don’t know what to say.
You are the glue.
Can you just tell them for me?
I know this fight is not about you, but you understand my side, right?

You are naturally really gifted at seeing all sides. You care deeply about connection and keeping the dynamics regulated and grounded. The challenge here is that when other people realize how talented you are at managing conflict, they suck you right into it.

Healing might look like:

Dismissing yourself from conflict and letting people figure it out.
Observing the responsibility you feel
Reassessing your boundaries
Focusing time and energy in settings that do not crave conflict

Many of the jobs we assume in our lifetime have a lot of care behind them. They are an attempt to connect our values in the real world. They can also be ways that we protect ourselves from rejection, hurt, isolation, and even our own painful beliefs about ourselves.

But sometimes we really need to quit out job.

Not out of irresponsibility or lack of follow-through but because some jobs drain us mentally, emotionally, spiritually…

So this is your permission. It is okay to quit your job(s) that are no longer aligned for you.